Empathizing
The Empathizing Mechanism Imagine there is a circuit in the brain—the empathy circuit— that determines how much empathy each of us has. Let’s call it the Empathizing Mechanism. From the EQ we can discern that the Empathizing Mechanism has seven likely settings.iv These are broad bands, and we may move around a little within a band from one day to another due to the transient fluctuations in our empathy. But which band we are in is broadly fixed. At Level 0, an individual has no empathy at all. In Chapter 3 we meet individuals who are this level and who wind up in clinics voluntarily seeking a diagnosis or who have been compulsorily detained (as we say in England, “at Her Majesty’s pleasure”) because they have gotten in trouble with the law or have had a diagnosis imposed on them. At Level 0 some people become capable of committing crimes, including murder, assault, torture, and rape. Fortunately, not all people at Level 0 do cruel things to others since others at this level just find relationships very difficult but have no wish to harm others. For others at Level 0, even when it is pointed out to them that they have hurt another person, this means nothing to them. They cannot experience remorse or guilt because they just don’t understand what the other person is feeling. This is the ultimate extreme: zero degrees of empathy. 2 The Empathy Mechanism: The Bell Curve 23 At Level 1, a person may still be capable of hurting others, but they can reflect on what they have done to some extent and show regret. It’s just that at the time they can’t stop themselves. Clearly, empathy is not having a sufficient brake on their behavior. For individuals at this level, a part of the brain’s empathy circuit “goes down” that would normally enable them to inhibit themselves from hurting others physically. Under certain conditions the person may be able to show a degree of empathy, but if their violent temper is triggered, they may report that their judgment becomes completely clouded or that they “see red.” At that moment other people’s feelings are no longer on their radar. What is frightening is how this breakdown in the empathy circuit can leave the individual capable of extreme violence. At the moment of the assault, the urge to attack and destroy may be so overwhelming that there are no limits to what the person could do and their victim is at that moment simply an object to be vanquished or removed. At Level 2, a person still has major difficulties with empathy, but they have enough to have a glimmering of how another person would feel for this to inhibit any physical aggression. This may not stop them shouting at others, or saying hurtful things to others, but they have enough empathy to realize they have done something wrong when another person’s feelings are hurt. However, they typically need the feedback from that person, or from a bystander, to realize that they have over-stepped the mark. Anticipating another person’s feelings in subtle ways just does not come naturally to them. A person at Level 2 therefore THE SCIENCE OF EVIL 24 blunders through life, saying all the wrong things (e.g., “You’ve put on weight!”) or doing the wrong things (e.g., invading another person’s “personal space”). They are constantly getting into trouble for these faux pas, at work or at home, perhaps losing their job or their friends because of it, yet are mystified as to what they are doing wrong. At Level 3, a person knows they have difficulty with empathy and may try to mask or compensate for this, perhaps avoiding jobs or relationships where there are constant demands on their empathy; making the effort to “pretend to be normal” can be exhausting and stressful.16 They may avoid others at work because social interaction is so hard, and just keep their head down and do their work in the hope that this doesn’t bring them into contact with too many other people. They may realize they just don’t understand jokes that everyone else does, that other people’s facial expressions are hard to read, and that they are never quite sure what’s expected of them. Small talk, chatting, and conversation may be a nightmare for someone at this level, because there are no rules for how to do it and it is all so unpredictable. When they get home, the relief (that comes from no longer having to “fake” being like everyone else) is huge: They just want to be alone, to be themselves. At Level 4, a person has a low-average amount of empathy. Most of the time their slightly blunted empathy does not affect their everyday behavior, though people with this level of empathy may feel more comfortable when the conversation shifts to topics other than the emotions. More men than women are at Level 4, 2 The Empathy Mechanism: The Bell Curve 25 preferring to solve problems by doing something practical or offering to fix something technical rather than having prolonged discussions about feelings.17 Friendships may be based more on shared activities and interests than on emotional intimacy, though they are no less enjoyable or weaker because of this. At Level 5, individuals are marginally above average in empathy, and more women than men are at this level. Here, friendships may be based more on emotional intimacy, sharing of confidences, mutual support, and expressions of compassion. Although people at Level 5 are not constantly thinking about other’s feelings, others are nevertheless on their radar a lot of the time, such that they are far more careful in how they interact at work or at home. They hold back from asserting their opinion so as not to dominate or intrude. They do not rush to make unilateral decisions so that they can consult and take into account a range of perspectives. They take their time with others even if they have lots of other things to do because they want to find out (sensitively and indirectly) how the other person is and what’s on their mind, information that is better gleaned by chatting about a range of topics rather than being extracted by direct interrogation. At Level 6, we meet individuals with remarkable empathy who are continually focused on other people’s feelings, and go out of their way to check on these and to be supportive. It is as if their empathy is in a constant state of hyperarousal, such that other people are never off their radar. Rather than try to describe this type, let me give you a sketch of one such person: Hannah is a psychotherapist who has a natural gift for tuning into how others are feeling. As soon as you walk into her living room, she is already reading your face, your gait, your posture. The first thing she asks you is “How are you?” but this is no perfunctory platitude. Her intonation—even before you have taken off your coat—suggests an invitation to confide, to disclose, to share. Even if you just answer with a short phrase, your tone of voice reveals to her your inner emotional state, and she quickly follows up your answer with “You sound a bit sad. What’s happened to upset you?” Before you know it, you are opening up to this wonderful listener, who interjects only to offer sounds of comfort and concern, to mirror how you feel, occasionally offering soothing words to boost you and make you feel valued. Hannah is not doing this because it is her job to do so. She is like this with her clients, her friends, and even people she has only just met. Hannah’s friends feel cared for by her, and her friendships are built around sharing confidences and offering mutual support. She has an unstoppable drive to empathize.''v ''SCIENCE OF EVIL ON EMPATHY AND THE ORIGINS OF CRUELTY Simon Baron-Cohen